GRINDAH: And you're locked into the sounds of the legendary...
DJ BEATS: Kurupt FM
Hold tight the phone line crew inside, yeah.
The phone line number to get you through once again
is 07050030108 point 9.
Why are Kurupt FM so big in the area? It's because we're killing it.
Exactly.
And if you kill it you get the respect of others.
You are listening to the best MC in the galaxy right now. Yeah.
DJ BEATS: You don't see Richard Branstone sitting there like,
"Oh, I think I might start a plane company."
He went and done it, people respect him.
Yeah, started off with pickle jars, bang to the plane company.
Inside with the bass line pressure. DJ Fantasy rolling through.
DJ BEATS: And we are the next Branstones.
Exactly. Kurupt FM the brand. I Am Kurupt.
And then we're gonna have I Am Kurupt trains,
I Am Kurupt planes.
Nah, you don't have to do actually what he done,
that's not the point, is it?
Hold tight the Brentford mandem, yeah.
Hold tight, Alfie Danger.
Hold tight, Albatross. Hold tight, Wilfy D.
CHABUDDY G: These guys
are the best kept secret in Brentford right now, yeah.
It's not a secret, people still know about us.
- Not enough people. - We've got a whole TV crew.
We are in our prime right now, we're young.
Exactly. We're young. We're good looking.
Yeah.
Make sure you're locked in this time tomorrow as well,
because we're going to be playing the most anticipated track of 2016.
Exactly. New Kurupt slammer, instant classic on the streets,
we'll be coming straight out of studio tomorrow.
Yeah, 'cause we're going studio.
There's two types of studio actually. Radio studio,
- and there's music studio. - Yeah, exactly.
Studio! Studio!
GRINDAH: It's down here. It's down here, yeah.
- Studio! - Studio!
DJ BEATS: Yeah, also, "going studio," it sounds good.
Press the buzzer, mate. I can't get my hands dirty,
I'm about to MC.
D'ya know what I mean? When someone calls you
or your girls like, "Rah, what you doing today?"
- You just can be like, "studio". - GRINDAH: "Studio". Yeah.
Hello, mate. No need for that. MC Grindah, CEO Kurupt FM.
- GRINADAH: Ah! - DJ BEATS: Ah, mate! We're back.
We're back! MC Grindah back at it.
DJ BEATS: And Beats.
- GRINDAH: Beats and Grindah. - BEATS: Yeah, yeah, sorry.
Ah sick, the chair. I love chairs.
DJ BEATS: That's a great chair. Looks good on you as well.
Thank you. Steves, stop touching things. Get it back on me.
Let me know if you need anything. Think you'll be done in an hour?
Erm... You can't rush these things, mate.
Yeah, music is an art form mate, it takes as long as it takes.
Oh, right. Your manager's only booked an hour.
It's not gonna take an hour is it? It's a four minute track, mate!
He hasn't got a clue has he?
Do you want me to talk you through the equipment?
Yeah, that'd...
Nah, we're all good, mate. We know exactly what we're doing, so...
You sure?
Yes, I'm sure. It's none of your rock and roll bollocks, mate,
this is real music. You wouldn't have a clue about it.
Pop yourself off.
Come on, real men don't read instruction manuals, mate.
(LAUGHING)
Decoy, you know what you're doing though, right?
- Turn it all on, Decoy. - GRINDAH: All wires.
STEVES: Decoy, look at this. Ah! They're all moving!
GRINDAH: That's real technology, mate.
STEVES: See that? All at once. They all move at once.
Push me in the chair, push me in the chair.
- DJ BEATS: Okay, cool. - GRINDAH: Where is it?
Spin him around! Spin him around! Spin him around!
No, don't, because I'll fall off.
See, I fell off now.
("CANDY" BY AGGRO SANTOS PLAYS)
INTERVIEWER: Do you wish you were at the studio?
CHABUDDY G: Thing is I'm busy tonight, you know.
I've actually got a date so...
I'm getting ready for that you know. Mentally, spiritually,
and obviously physically.
Obviously, when you hear the name Chabuddy G
certain emotions come to your mind, you know, what do you think?
Sex symbol. That's a taken. But then if you go further into that...
Chabuddy G, style icon. This is not by accident.
People ask what does the G stand for, I tell them: Gucci, girls, girth.
Hi, Chabuddy G.
Smouldering. I mean, what woman can resist that.
I look a bit Japanese when I do that, innit?
Arigato. (LAUGHS) Isn't it?
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
Oh, my God!
And this is the house. Speaks for itself doesn't it?
It does, it does. It says, "Hello." "Hello, Miche."
(WOMAN LAUGHS)
KAREN: Let's go. Let's get up there!
- This is your bride. - Oh, yes! Yeah!
I'll be like this at the top
I'll like jump out from here and then I'll just walk down.
- Like that! - Get some photos.
MICHE: Yeah, so Grindah's letting me handle
all the decisions for the wedding,
which is actually really romantic of him, you know.
GRINDAH: Yeah.
Here behind us is our wedding wall that we've been working on,
so it's just like a big sort of collage, isn't it, of our big day.
- GRINDAH: Little bit terrifying. - It's just sort of, you know...
It's like a horror film. Like there's something wrong with you.
He's saying that because he's...
Like, "Stop putting so much on there!"
And she keeps putting more.
Yeah. Yeah it's partly just to remind us both that we are getting married.
Well, I can't forget with that in the background, can I?
(LAUGHS) I know!
I'm loving this though, and do you know what?
I just love all the white.
KAREN: Me too, yeah.
What's your policy on ponies?
Ponies? Well I'd have to check on that for you...
- Of course. - It is a protected building...
Protected? Oh, that's great actually.
Because we're gonna need some security on the day,
cos my fiancé's actually famous. So, that's ideal.
(GARAGE BEAT PLAYS)
DECOY: What d'ya reckon to this, boys?
BEATS: (WHISPERS) What ya thinking?
(GRINDAH GROANS)
Turn it up.
Turn it up, yeah that's what I was thinking too.
GRINDAH: Yeah, turn it up. Yeah, that's already much better, isn't it?
DJ BEATS: Yeah, yeah.
- Yeah. - Don't you think it's better?
I think it's better, yeah. It's still quite repetitive to be honest.
It does need something more.
What about something from next door? They've got loads of shit.
Yeah, cool, I'll have a look with you.
- That's good innit? - (HORN SOUND PLAYS)
Decoy.
My role in studio is kind of the, erm...
Like, the provider of the inspiration. I'm like a muse.
Yeah, I'm an ideas man.
GRINDAH: For f...
- Actually, that sounded quite sick. - Yeah, that sounded sick.
Do that again.
When the mic's on, Steves.
GRINDAH: You ready, Decoy?
Oi! That's the one. That's the one.
That felt good, yeah.
I dunno, man, I still reckon I could do better.
Perfect. That'll do.
WOMAN: Can I show you something really special?
Now, this is where the actual ceremony would take place.
Wow! Fuck off!
- Fucking hell, Miche. Look at that! - That is well posh!
WOMAN: And the dome as you can see, the very famous dome.
Fucking love the dome. Mental. Hey, looks a bit like Dad don't it?
- Ha! Poor sod. - Yeah.
Ooh. While I think of it, could you do thrones as well?
Thrones? Yes, that would be a nice touch.
I'm sure we could come up with a price to accommodate thrones for you.
Oh, thank you. We'll definitely be taking the pillars,
- so that's great, thank you. - Six. We'll have six.
Well, they are a permanent fixture.
KAREN: So, listen, darling. What are we looking at?
What price are we looking at here?
Well, with everything we've discussed this morning
I would say we're looking in the region
of say fifteen to nineteen thousand.
We better jog on, Miche.
No, I mean, that's sort of the mid to the top range
that I had in mind, in my range of thoughts, so...
Is that something we'd have to pay all at once
or can we do it on credit? You know, like when you buy a new sofa.
Listen, we'll get back to you, yeah?
(GARAGE BEAT PLAYS)
DJ BEATS: Oh, sick there's free Wi-Fi in here!
Type in: "Tupac still alive in Cuba."
Nah, allow all of that weird Steves shit.
Boys, we need to finish this track, yeah. We ain't got time.
GRINDAH: Shh! Decoy you've got no clue sometimes.
Inspiration is a very important part of the creative process.
What about Jean-Claude Van Damme fight sequences all in one montage?
GRINDAH: Perfect. Ooh. Move it a little bit.
DJ BEATS: Ah, I love bad guys with scars.
Look he punches him!
DJ BEATS: I can't believe he's French.
You'd have thought he's English or American.
He seems normal don't he, yeah.
Oh, yeah. (SNIFFS) Ooh!
Very pungent! Few stains on that, it's fine, it adds character.
So... I'm actually really excited about the date tonight, you know.
I think it could go really well, so...
Let's just hope she doesn't break my heart and steal all my stuff again.
(LAUGHS)
(SIGHS)
- KAREN: What do you think? - MICHE: Look at it! Yeah, lovely.
KAREN: I like the windows.
- MICHE: Here we go. "World class." KAREN: Have a word. "World class."
That's us. That's what they call us. Look at this!
KAREN: I like it.
MICHE: This is out of this world! They got pillars!
Light up pillars with bubbles!
I love the Buddha, innit. Proper spiritual that.
INTERVIEWER: What's important for a wedding venue?
Well, it's got to be a big size,
you've got to have a dance floor in there.
I think one of the big things that's important for me is...
- What do you call it? Ambi... - Ambulant.
Ambi-ambi-ant.
Don't. You've got me at it now. That anyway.
- The vibe. The vibe. - The vibe of it.
Ooh! Look, they've got an air-conditioning unit.
WOMAN: Yep, we have fully functioning air conditioning.
They didn't have that at the last place.
Nah. That didn't actually, did it?
MICHE: Ah! And you have a buffet.
And so I presume there'd be food in here on the day?
WOMAN: (LAUGHS) Yeah.
INTERVIEWER: So are you going to take his surname?
Well, I've been thinking long and hard about
whether or not to change my name.
But I am definitely going to be becoming
Mrs. Zagorgovokos. Zagorskos?
Zagrovos. It's a strong Greek name.
Mr. And Mrs. Zagrovos. Zagrovos. Zagrovoth?
Yeah, it's just how my family says it.
INTERVIEWER: How do other families say it?
Dunno. I've never met another Zagrovos.
I really like it. What do you think about the ponies
just coming down the middle there?
- Yes. - The ponies just go around.
- There will be three or four ponies. - Two probably
Ponies? Yeah, we're not going to be able to do that I'm afraid
because it's a restaurant and the premises... I can...
We're not going to eat them.
No, no! I didn't think you were going to eat them.
(GARAGE BEAT PLAYS)
DJ BEATS: Okay, yeah, listening.
Said I'm kicking man like Van Damme
Who's on the mic with the rough slang?
Ah... Nah, it's all right, but...
DJ BEATS: Oh, you want it a bit more...
- Bit tougher. - Okay, all right.
You're doing well though, mate.
Cheers, mate.
Said I'm kicking man like Van Damme
No! No! No! No! No! That wasn't it. Don't...
Really doing well but if we could just try it again in a different way.
We need to speed this up as well, please.
Mate, shut up.
Said I'm kicking man like Van Damme
Who's on the mic with the rough slang?
Kick to the cheek just like I'm Jet Li
And I triple back-flip off a jet ski
That's it, that's it, done it!
Sweet.
Smashed it, brother. Come through.
Am I done?
- Yeah, yeah. - Sick.
- Was that all right, yeah? - Yeah, done really well, mate.
- Wicked. - Yeah. Killed it.
Nice one. I've got to go hospital and that now, so.
All right, mate, yeah. Good luck with it all, yeah?
I'm still hoping it's a false alarm, so...
Yeah, I'll let you know how it goes.
All right, mate, nice one. Cool, mate.
DJ BEATS: All right, see you fannies in a bit, yeah.
- Keep it Kurupt, yeah. - Always do, mate.
Play it back.
So does it have to be on a Saturday? Because...
- Yeah - Yeah. It's a wedding.
(LAUGHING)
- Yeah, okay... - When did you get married?
- Well... - Fucking Tuesday?
The only reason I say that is because we've got an 18 month waiting list
if you want to do it on a Saturday.
18 months?
Babe, we'll have to have it down the Working Men's Club
I get that special discount, don't I, for wedding parties
because I had my last two there.
No, Mum, I'm not having it there.
They haven't got pink lighting or Buddhas. It's not the same.
So do you want me to pop you down on the waiting list then?
Well, I'll have to check with my fiancé, won't I?
He might not be up for waiting that long.
I said, I'm in the studio. I'm in the studio, I can't talk now.
Oh, signal.
INTERVIEWER: So are you excited about the wedding then, Grindah?
Erm... Yeah. Like, obviously, if she's happy, I'm happy.
You know everyone keeps going on about,
"Oh, you was fucked out of your head when you proposed to her."
But I wasn't even that fucked. Anyway, they say, when you're fucked,
that's when the truth comes out so...
I reckon it's what I wanted deep down.
- Probably. - Aw.
- Hello? - MICHE: Hi, babe.
Yeah, I had no signal, because I'm in studio.
Yeah, studio, yeah. What you saying?
MICHE: We found an amazing venue. You're gonna absolutely love it.
But there's an 18 month waiting list.
Oh, really?
Just seems a bit mental to wait that long,
but it is literally the dream.
Although... I'd say we should just wait it out.
You sure? Feels like a long time...
You said it's your dream place.
I think that it's probably my dream place as well.
Yeah, you would absolutely love it.
So it's probably best that we wait I think, yeah.
All right, in a bit. Bye.
Ah... That's a shame, innit?
INTERVIEWER: Do you believe in marriage?
To be honest, I'm married to the music.
Do you know what I mean? It's more for her.
It's like a prestige thing like,
"Oh, I married one of the top MCs in the game."
Which I get, but it don't really mean nothing to me.
Hello, mate.
All right. You've got five minutes.
What do you mean five minutes? I haven't even done my lyrics yet!
You've only paid for an hour, so...
Yeah, but come on, it's your place so...
Just give us a little bit of extra time, come on.
Make you part of musical history!
Nah, I wouldn't know anything about real music, would I?
You've got five minutes.
(IN MOCKING VOICE) Ooh... I've got five minutes.
You've got four minutes now.
Well, I'm gonna do it in three minutes then...
and I'll expect a minute's money back then.
Decoy, we got four minutes left!
Soon as I get in there, start recording.
Just one second, yeah?
Mate, you know we're not going to do this in like four minutes.
You know what, fuck this!
Little prick thinks he can time me, yeah.
I'm locking us in! Steve, blockade the door.
- STEVES: We're blockading the door? - Yes, mate.
STEVES: Decoy, we're blockading the door!
Get a piano! Block it properly.
The Clavinova? Or the P80?
Just get any of them. Anything you can get.
Get some more shit. Hurry up! Hurry up!
Some leads. Reckon I should lock it as well?
Yeah, do that as well. As soon as I lock myself in there,
you start doing that all right?
STEVES: Ah, mate. This takes me back... to my squat party days.
- Right, Decoy. - Yeah.
- It's my time. - All right.
(GARAGE BEAT PLAYS)
(SIREN WAILS)
- Hi, sorry I'm late. - Where have you been?
Studio.
I've got a very, very special announcement to make.
Me and Roche are pregnant! Her mainly.
But I was there when it happened. Yeah, it's amazing actually,
'cause this is our first baby together.
How you doing, mate?
I wasn't there when she made Craig but apparently it was a great night.
INTERVIEWER: Was it a great night with this one as well?
Well, actually, to be honest, it wasn't one of them special nights,
it was more just four strokes and done type thing.
Is that your date of birth?
- Yes. - You're officially a cougar.
- (CHUCKLES) - Yeah.
I quite like that.
Yeah, did some research on the internet.
Oh.
Craig showed me this thing, it's basically...
I don't want to know about that...
It's got a weird name. It sounds like a hamster but it's not.
INTERVIEWER: What're you doing?
I'm actually applying my own face mask.
It's my own blend of yoghurt, avocado and chili,
which, you know, waters the eyes,
makes them water which also cleans them out.
It also gives a red rouge effect to the skin,
you know, so... Very smouldery.
(MOBILE PHONE RINGS)
Hi. Chabuddy G. Yes, manager of Kurupt FM.
INTERVIEWER: So is Chabuddy your manager?
Yes.
Well... Technically he said he'd pay for the studio,
if he could be our manager, so we just said yeah.
So he is your manager?
Yeah, he's our manager if you say so, mate.
I mean, we all say so. It's been said.
Oh, they want me to come down to the studio? Oh, right.
No no, no. No, please. No, please. No.
Don't call police. Don't call police. I'm coming down now. Okay.
Fucking bhenchod, man. Okay. Get the wet wipes.
Fucking... (GROANS) Chili in my eye. Bastard. (GROANS)
Benchods! I can't see anything.
(BANGING)
MAN: You think you can look me out?
STEVES: I can see him.
He's getting in, bruv. He's got a spare key.
Fucking hell!
He's through the first barricade
GRINDAH: Decoy, hurry up!
(GRINDAH FREESTYLE RAPPING)
STEVES: This is it, Decoy!
- You ain't getting in, bruv! - What are you doing?
You are not getting in today rude boy!
Mate you're dealing with a seasoned pro.
Idiot, you fucking idiots. Get out now!
(FREESTYLE RAPPING)
I will win! (LAUGHS)
Get out now! Fucking morons.
Get out the booth!
GRINDAH: You're interrupting my flow! Get off me!
You're jealous of my lyrics!
CHABUDDY G: All right, listen. He's gonna call the police.
It's just lyrics, mate. I asked normally.
CHABUDDY G: Okay, what's the damage?
Look at the damage, you idiot.
No, look, that was like that before we got here.
Are you fucking mad?
That was like that. They told me there was broken glass there.
There's your little girl's arm, you see it?
Yeah
And then, there's the other one.
Wow, that is mad. I didn't realise it would have arms this early on.
What?
Looks a bit like a wasp
It doesn't look like a wasp. It looks like a baby.
INTERVIEWER: What are your hopes and dreams for the baby?
I just want it to have teeth and fingers and that first, and then...
Well, it won't have teeth straight away...
but don't get freaked out about that. It'll have teeth later.
Okay, so how does it eat?
Well, it just drinks to start with, doesn't it?
It just drinks milk and then you mush all its food up.
Yeah because that's what Robocop eats.
Yep, it's gonna be like Robocop.
Call the police! Call the police!
No, don't call the police, don't call the police.
Just fuck! Don't call the police. Don't call the police, innit.
- What about them ones? - Just get out.
That's six grand there, just take it, don't even worry about it.
Take it. Take it. Take my watch! Take it!
Listen, mate, you're trying to hustle a hustler here, yeah.
I'm not trying to hustle anyone.
I'm gonna hustle you right now, yeah?
Mate, you've just brought a bunch of morons to my studio.
They're artists! They're artists! They are artists.
- Morons, mate. Morons. - CHABUDDY G: Creative artists.
Shut up and get out.
- CHABUDDY G: We'll do it. Okay? - MAN: How much is there?
Let me, man, I'm counting here.
That's our manager to the rescue. That's what they're there for, innit?
So I'm definitely your manager then?
Yes, just keep paying him. Keep paying the man.
Kurupt FM manager!
Yeah, come on, keep paying.
All right, mate?
Grindah! I stole a cable!
(CHUCKLES) He ain't gonna see that again!
So, listen, boys, the track went well, yeah? Can I have a listen?
Nah, it ain't even finished yet.
Nah, you can do it all on laptops these days anyway,
Decoy'll finish it off.
What, you can do it all on your laptop?
Oh, yeah. You don't need any of that bollocks!
But why did I pay all that money for you to go studio then?
Well, you said you'd pay for it!
Plus, it's quite a good day out, innit?
Little blaze, going studio. Sounds good, don't it?
- It's a laugh, innit? - GRINDAH: Yeah.
Catch, catch, catch, catch!
Oi! Oi!
(DOG BARKS)
Let's have a little toast to the... venue and the bride.
Cheers! And the mother of the bride as well, that's you.
Yeah. I know, who'd have thought?
I'm going to move along on my wedding timeline. To dress shopping.
Oh, yeah, nice. That's that dress I was talking about.
Have a look. Mick loved it.
MICHE: Ah, bless him. Mikos was so sweet.
Wasn't he just?
I'm not sure about the dress though.
It hasn't really got that regal vibe I was after.
Really?
I'll keep it in mind though. In case I get really desperate.
Love that!
(CHABUDDY G CHUCKLES)
There she is, she looks just like her profile picture.
I bloody don't. Hey! Jump in baby! (LAUGHS)
- Sorry... - Yeah, I was joking, sorry,
just let me park up. Sorry, one second.
CHABUDDY G: Ladies love the van. It's very roomy, very spacious.
So put the seats down and we can have a bloody sauna,
Champagne Steam Rooms in there, mate. You know what I mean?
INTERVIEWER: You haven't had any ladies in there yet?
No ladies in there at the moment, but once I do
it's going to be like that bloody scene from Titanic.
You know, when she puts her hand. It'll bloody be like that, mate.
I tell you what, mate. (CHUCKLES)
- Lisa, right? - Yeah.
Sorry, I was a bit busy. I was back at the studio
with some artists that I'm managing at the moment. Hi. Chabuddy.
That sounds exciting.
Not really! They've bloody bankrupted me the bastards!
(LAUGHING)
(CLEARS THROAT)
CHABUDDY G: Chabuddy G's an entrepreneur yeah?
So I've decided to transform my club,
the Champagne Steam Rooms into a classy elegant cocktail bar:
The Champagne Steam Bar.
Think about it, if I've got my own cocktail bar,
the ladies are gonna come to me, mate.
You know what I mean? I've created the honeypot.
And now all the bees are coming for a taste of the sweet nectar.
Yeah?
Build it, and they will come. Literally.
(GARAGE MUSIC PLAYS)
Should have put a flash on because that's well dark.
DJ BEATS: Yeah, it wouldn't fit up there.
"Ooh, look at me, I'm having a baybay."
Everyone has a baby, it's no big deal.
Decoy, what's the track saying?
Oh, yeah! I've actually got a sick idea at the hospital!
- I had a brainwave. - GRINDAH: About what?
- About the track. - Well, finally. Fucking hell!
What is it?
Okay, I tell you what, I'm going to go for a sex on the beach,
or bar, and...
Can I have a...
I tell you what, I'll order for you, I know what you want.
Get her a peanutini. It's actually one that I designed myself.
It's like a Martini but with peanut dust just around the rim.
Crusty rim.
Do I believe in love? You know... Does it exist? We don't know.
It's like oxygen, we can't see it but it's there.
Is it a feeling? You know.
Is it a sensation? Is it a vibe? We don't know.
- So, yeah... - Can I have your cherry?
Oh! (LAUGHS) Yes, take my cherry.
Thanks. Get the taste out of my mouth.
Be gentle, it's my first time.
- (LAUGHS) - I'm not a virgin though.
Had loads of sex.
MICHE: What do you think about walking down the aisle?
Ask Mick to walk you down the aisle?
- Really? - Yeah, why not?
It sort of makes sense, actually, doesn't it,
because obviously legally he is my dad.
- Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. - Aw.
Aw, I never thought of it like that. I mean technically
I'm older than him but that doesn't matter, does it?
- (MOBILE PHONE CHIMES) - Little Mickie.
That's probably Grindah worrying about the wedding.
What's that plum want now?
He just says, "Listen Kurupt. New track now."
Thank God he let us know. Otherwise we might have missed it.
- GRINDAH: Who's ready? Who's ready? - DJ BEATS: I'm ready, I'm ready.
- Who's ready? - I'm ready.
Ladies open up your ears. Mandem too!
We are about to drop the new instant classic,
Decoy, run that. - DJ BEATS: Run the riddim!
Play it, Decoy.
DJ BEATS: Rah. There's a dead MC on the floor.
Sample.
GRINDAH: Who's that standing above him?
Can you lot hear the hospital sound? That was from my trip...
He's got a microphone and it's pointed in this direction.
And then this bit's me as well.
DJ BEATS: I think it might be MC Grindah.
- This bit coming up. - DJ BEATS: The heart monitor stuff.
This is my bit.
GRINDAH: (SLOWLY) It's MC Grindah.
Bang! Lyrical blow to the jaw
Leaving every MC down on the floor Bang! Lyrical blow to the jaw!
Bang! Lyrical blow to the jaw
Say bang!
Lyrical blow to the jaw
Leaving every MC down on the floor
Call 999 it's an emergency
MC Grindah killed an MC
I tell you what, this is shit.
I think you might be a little jealous sometimes.
Yeah, maybe.
You're a good singer too, I've heard you at karaoke.
I'm kickin man like Van Damme
Who's on the mic with the rough slang
Flying kicks I learnt from Jet Li
Triple back-flip off a jet ski
Mastered the technique of ninjitzu
Lyrical karate mixed with kung-fu
What you gonna say now? What you gonna do?
Beats and Grindah are coming for you
Bandaged my knuckles, dipped them in glass
Leaving every MC up on their arse
Lyrical daggers coming so damn fast
Leave your head spinning from all of my bars
Beats and Grindah up on the track
Guess you could call that double impact
Why are we so lyrically big?
'Cause we be training punching a tree for a week
(MUSIC STOPS)
I invented that, "mid-point reload" it's called.
It's a great little reference to the garage sound.
Als, it saves the DJ from having to reload it.
Exactly. Yeah Plus we didn't have much time to finish it
when we were thrown out from the studio, so...
Yeah, it was only a minute and a half long.
Now it's three minutes. A totally wrapped track.
That's Decoy. Hear the hospital sound though?
(MEDICAL EQUIPMENT BEEPS)
Yeah, that's quite good, but also my lyrics are sick.
And then you hear it again, hear the whole track again.
(SLOWLY) MC Grindah.
Bang! Lyrical blow to the jaw
KAREN: It's started from the beginning again.
- Yeah. - He's just repeating himself.
Oi! Oi! Go on, son, celebrate, innit.
MC Grindah killed an MC!
Oh, look at that. Even the booze is getting excited.
You just witnessed musical history, do you know what I mean like?
That is a beautiful little drop. You light it for me, mate.
I've done enough work, don't you think?
(LAUGHING)
And then she ended up bloody taking all my stuff.
Robbing me clean, breaking my heart and then bloody pissing off.
(CHABUDDY LAUGHS)
There you go, guys.
Thank you, dear. No, no, please, allow me.
I have a calculator on my phone.
You had two cocktails. You had the olives as well, didn't you?
So add that. And there's a service charge as well...
Sorry, isn't this your place?
- Yeah. - Can't you just?
Well, no, I mean, I won't have to pay my half.
You just pay yours, isn't it? Fifteen pound.
- Seriously? - I'm running a business here, baby.
It's not including service charge as well,
so leave a little tip as well. Thank you. Cheers.
CHABUDDY G: The best advice I'd give to people who are seeking love...
Ladies like power, wealth, status.
Can we go?
You and I? You wanna get out of here?
Sure.
I mean I'm the most official bachelor in Hounslow at the moment
and I'm a great catch, ladies!
Come on, you know. Their loss.
- Call me. - (CHUCKLES) Yeah!
See ya, guys,
(GARAGE MUSIC PLAYS)
Bang! Lyrical blow to the jaw
Bang!
This one's gonna be your inheritance, mate.
This one's you, brother! Trust me.
Listen to that bit, it's Daddy killing it!
(MOBILE PHONE VIBRATES)
MICHE: Oh, my God! It's the wedding venue.
What you doing? Tell them you'll call them back,
this is the best bit!
This is the best bit!
Hello? Yeah. Yeah. Sure. Sure. It's the venue from yesterday.
(GROANS) Tell 'em I'm fuming at them
us wait eighteen months.
God! Yeah, that's brilliant news. Amazing! Hang on a second.
They're saying they've got a space in five months...
You know at your favourite venue! The one you wanted to hold out for!
Yeah. Yeah.
Okay, so... when could I come in to have a look round again?
Tell them that's good, but... Tell them we've got options.
Okay, well, throw in the bespoke food and we'll take it.
Don't say take it.
- Brilliant, right then it's a deal! - I haven't checked my calendar.
Thank you so much!
Miche, I haven't checked my calendar. I haven't checked...
- Aw... Thank you. - We've still got other...
Oh, my God. We're getting bloody married!
GRINDAH: Ah!
We're gonna get bloody married!
Yep. (CHUCKLES)